humble pie

Once again I have neglected this poor blog. I guess I just thought that I had nothing to write about after our adoption fell through. I will be super honest, because that is how I roll, I am still grieving the loss of the daughter that I will never parent. I had so many plans for Z and I. So, so,so many beautiful, wonderful plans. I will air out all of my dirty laundry and let you know that I have a small space in the extra closet that has sweet little size 7 clothes for her. I can picture her in every outfit,what the heck am I doing??? I think I am holding on to a miracle that she is alive and well and is ready and available for adoption. :)

I do have something to write about...my life is a comedy show (amd I LOVE it!).
We have one 5 yr old son who is knocking at deaths door with severe asthma and allergies, his barely younger brother is living a fun life somewhere on the Autism Spectrum. I live day to day with Lupus, which has recently caused me to make some major changes in my life. As far as the Scotty so Hotty, head of house, he is doing great and is the silly string keeping us together.
So there you have it. Our lovely family.

Not Me Monday

certiantly did not public posts that never made it but how was I to know because I never go to my own blog.

I was not last to dropping off my kids late to thier first day of school. Parent of the year award material people!

I did not get food poisioning from beer at an art fair and spend my entire day off laying on a hospital bed praying that Jesus would just bring me home. That morphine does some funny things.

I did not try ang get my very straight laced brother in law so drunk that he would vomit. I mean who would do that??? That's soooo mean!

Start of Summer

So far things are staring off slow around here, which is good! We will be getting a call any day letting us know when we will be taking Jack to a children hospital in Denver for specialized testing for his allergies and asthma. We will be there for at lest one week, maybe two. As soon as we get the call we have about a 7-10 days to get there. Of course we are excited to get to the bottom of all of his challenges but... my dearest childhood friend moved back into town a couple years ago and is now prego with her 3rd and final baby and I just know that I am going to miss it. To say that I am heartbroken about it would be an understatement.
As far as things are going with Alex we are still on wait list after wait list. Who knows when we will actually get into anywhere!
For now we will enjoy the cool weather and fun time we are having together!

What to do???

I am not getting ANYWHERE with early intervention! We went through the public school system and they would not accept him even with a diagnosis from a Pediatric Psychologist and I cannot get any of the Autism preschool centers to call me back. What on earth is a mom to do?? I am so worried that he is going to slip through the cracks during the summer. Does anyone have a home school program that they have supplemented with? I just don't want to miss this early time!

Alex+ Shorty= Happy times!

Xander lite up like a Christmas tree when when introduced him to Shorty! He started talking, making eye contact, listening, and acting confident. It was what I like to call an Autistic Miracle!!! He really does bring tears to my eyes just thinking about it.
Because he loves riding so much we are going to enter him into a lead line class at a local show in a couple of weeks. I only worry that the sights and sounds of the horse show will be too much for him once we get there. Too get him ready we have been watching youtube videos. Keeping my fingers crossed that this is something that he gets into!!!

Spring is here, kinda

It snowed here today!!! Where the heck is spring?? So, much has been happening around the Wiliams mini farm. I type this from my bed ridden, royal wedding watching, narcotic state.
Monday I had a much unexpected but much needed hysterectomy. I have always known that I have problems with my uterus and ovaries so I guess it was just my time to get them out. Needless to say I am still in a bit of pain but am doing better than I expected. The worst part is not being able to pick up the boys. I miss tossing them around and playing outside with them!
We are still waiting to hear the results of Jacks allergy testing. We do know that he is super allergic to many foods and environmental items but we still are not clear what is causing him to go into anaphylaxis so often. i get so nervous taking him anywhere new because I don't know what is going to set him off.
Alexis is on a new medication that is making him so tired. The big question is it working?? We think so, but we are not sure. Autism is such a funny thing and we are still so early in his diagnosis. What we do know is early intervention works and it is apparently hard to get your foot in the door even with a diagnosis and insurance. What do people even do??? Where do we begin?? My heart breaks for all of the families that are in a similar situation because it is very frustrating!

Look what the bunny left

Longest week ever!

Poor sweet Jackamoe has had one heck of a week. We have been admitted to 2 hospitals countless breathing treatments, may injections, 3 epi pens drained and a not so fun ambulance ride. I wish that we could say what is triggering his asthma but the Dr's are stumped and they are suspecting, as they have for awhile, that there is some underlying condition with him :(. Next week we are praying to get more answers as we start pretty aggressive testing, some of it being new to the area and Jack might be one of the first kiddos to have certain tests.
It goes without saying that I am exhausted which has caused a flare up of my Lupus. No sleep and stress are too major trigger. Yucko!!
Scott has been such a blessing through this entire process. He offered many times to stay at the hospital with Jack, stayed home to take care of our mini suburban farm, and even packed me a perfect overnight bag. He really is my rock and I am still so amazed to be married to such a wonderful man.
On an exciting note we are adding a new member to our family in 10 days. I am fianlly getting my long awaited dream horse! To say that I am excited wouldbe an understatement. I will post more about him later!

too smart

Alex did great in his 2 weeks of trial in preschool, too great to be exact. He did so good there that he tested out of the program! Even though he qualified for assistance in social areas they could not justify letting him into the preschool on that alone. Somehow (??) he passed speech and language with flying colors so it that leaves us with our private insurance. Sooo... now we wait for an opening at the therapy center, here is where we could use your prayers. There is a wait list of at least 8 months!
In the meantime we will enjoy spring and all that it brings. I cannot help but to love this time of year.

Starting school and such

Sorry that it has been so long between updates. As always, I have been super busy trying to find that balance between work, family and life.
Alex started his 2 weeks of a trial basis of a preschool, with tomorrow being his last day. During the two weeks different therapists evaluate him to see if he qualifies for early intervention through the school district. Unfortunately ( or not! ) he is testing so high that I highly doubt that he will qualify. These past two weeks we have seen amazing leaps in his development! His speech has doubled!! It has been such a blessing. Hopefully, we will be able to find something else to get him enrolled in.
Poor Jacks allergies are so severe that we are we have to carry an epi pen with us. Please pray that we never have to use it. I cannot not even imagine! On a positive note, he is excelling at his preschool and I love to hear the stories that he tells us about his day.
As winter drags on , I long for warmer days and sunshine. I cannot wait to play with the boys outside and return to frequent trips to the zoo.

Damn you Nemo

That's where we are, swimming. We just keep swimming. We are now in the paperwork phase. Really folks, it's a phase for special needs families. Mounds and mounds of paperwork. What they don't know it that I am the queen of paperwork. Duh. Something about owning my own businesses and adopting just screams bring on the paperwork!!you

Thank you sooooo much to all of my friends who have come out of the woodwork to help me, send me sweet messages, introduce me to friends with similar family dynamics, friends who come over with treats or call (or swing by) to pray. I love you all, I really do!!!!

On a lighter note Scott and I have been together for 8 years this week!!! Wowza! Where did that time go? Time is going by way too fast.

90 more mins and we get started on an offical diagnosis for Alex. 90 more mins and we get help. 90 mins and I am sure my heart will break.

Aggression

Alex is getting worse. Really really bad worse. Like pushing an old person at church worse, trying to kill the cat worse.
We have to actually sit in the same room with him during a temper tantrum but not too close or he will bite, scratch or punch us. If we leave him alone he does all of these things to himself. He will beat his head on the edge of something until it opens up and bleeds. He will bite himself until he has torn his own flesh. I cannot wait until we get this figured out. I am watching my son slip away from me and I feel like there is nothing I can do...

Aspergers and such

Yesterday was Alex's 3 year check up. I have honestly been putting it off for awhile because I knew what we were going to hear and I knew how I was going to feel. It sucks, big time. So far he has an informal diagnosis of Aspergers. Ugh... I hate even typing it but I knew it was coming. This Thursday we start the real testing.
Today I am at a loss of what to even do or think. I dropped the kids off at daycare so I could have a day to clean and and research. Really, I just needed a day for myself because I wanted it. Also, I have some medical testing this afternoon and I just needed to stay focused.
What I really need is help from other parents who have and are going through this.