Aspergers and such

Yesterday was Alex's 3 year check up. I have honestly been putting it off for awhile because I knew what we were going to hear and I knew how I was going to feel. It sucks, big time. So far he has an informal diagnosis of Aspergers. Ugh... I hate even typing it but I knew it was coming. This Thursday we start the real testing.
Today I am at a loss of what to even do or think. I dropped the kids off at daycare so I could have a day to clean and and research. Really, I just needed a day for myself because I wanted it. Also, I have some medical testing this afternoon and I just needed to stay focused.
What I really need is help from other parents who have and are going through this.

fun times ahead

Wowza!! Where has this month gone? I cannot believe that it is almost Christmas. For some reason, I am way more excited this year then any other year. I have broke out some of the decorations, blasted Neil Diamond Christmas music and Scott even put up some of the lights without me begging. The boys are at the age where they are starting to "get it" and I LOVE it. I think the best part is that Jack realizes that the season is not about gifts but about Christ. We are trying to emphasized gifts for his birthday and Jesus for Christmas.
As far as the adoption process goes, we are still chugging along. The only thing keeping me going is hearing the good news of referrals of our friends. It seems like everyone is getting multiples. Hmmm, I wonder if two kiddos are in our future too?!?

Operation Pink Shoe

I am so thankful for the change in seasons. With it has brought big changes in our family. I had no idea ( this would be a whole other post ) but I was surprised to find out that we have been on the infant adoption list for 6 months. So,I guess operation pink shoe is in full swing. I really had no idea that our home study had been completed and turned in. With this new knowledge has brought fear, panic, and excitement. I am mainly scared about the fiances. We really do not have an additional 15 (ish) grand laying around. If we got the call tomorrow, we would have to decline the referral.
I guess God , really did have a plan when I keep getting extra hours at work, any extra shift money has gone into the adoption fund. How do some of you adopt multiple kids?? Is everyone using grants and loans?
On another note, I was planning a mission trip to Africa that just may need to come to a halt or at least be postponed for now. Hmm... what to do. What to do?
If anyone has any fundraising ideas let me know!

Love

I love these people, love them with all of my heart. You know who you guys are and please know that you mean the world to me. I know I have been distant lately and I appreciate your support for afar. I am blessed to know each and every single one of you!!

a giant step taken back

Sorry, it has been so long but there has been a ton of craziness surrounding our family. Also, let be honest here. I just couldn't bring myself to blog. I couldn't bring myself to even read blogs. I was just over it all.
As most of you know we have lost the referral of our daughter and we are still heartbroken. I had no idea how hard it would be to grieve for someone you never got to meet. I also lost a dear friend of mine a couple weeks ago and I have been struggling with grief. A grief so bad that sometimes it felt like it was swallowing me whole. I am not sure if time really does heal wounds but I sure hope so.

On a positive note I have been making some major positive changes in my life and I am very much looking forward to the future. Our family is great and Scott has been amazing during this crazy year.

Jackson has started preschool and is doing amazing! Alexander is surpassing where the therapists said he would be now. He amazes me everyday with the things he learns.

Scott and I are still working a ton but leaving room to spend quality time with our family and sneaking some alone time with eachother. Life is good!!

adoption update

How things are changing around here. Due to many heart breaks regarding Africa we are no longer doing an international adoption, we have switched to domestic and are waiting until the end of summer to be put on any offical waitlists. Our plan is to save as much money as humaly possible and go from there. We are still heartbroken about the loss of Zehabu but are taking it day by day.

Zehabu

This has been a very long over due post. I didn't even know what to write as I couldn't/can't wrap my head around the situation. I also am heartbroken and every time I sit down to type I cannot stop crying.
2 weeks ago we found out that Zehabu will not be joining our family as she is no longer available for adoption. I am not sure exactly what happened to her but I have a pretty good idea and I am not ready to share this tragedy with the world. It hurts so much to breathe, think, cry... I have never experienced anything like this before. I am morning for the daughter who I never got to hold, never hear giggle, never will kiss. I don't even know if she ever knew how close she was to her forever family, so very close. It amazes me how much I could love someone who I never even met, but to us, she was/is our daughter.
We have only told a handful of people and I am sorry that we didn't get a chance to everyone personally but at this point it still hurts too much to talk about it.